So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
