Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
