Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
