Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
