Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
