So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
