Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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