What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
