Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
