would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
