on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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