So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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