you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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