wat bout pragnant strippers??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
