we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
