Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
