Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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