The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
