the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
