it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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