maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
