Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
