I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
