I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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