He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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