I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
