so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
