i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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