yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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