Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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