The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
