Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
