Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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