Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
