ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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