You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
