pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
