Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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