walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
