im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
