Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
