this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
