so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i out mim tonsoeep
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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