operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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