FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
