I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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