he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
