I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
