I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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