You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
